Reasons why I am not gardening

After posting about "winter blues", I have been thinking about why I am not so keen on gardening right now, and came up with a list of possible factors.

• First of all, I think I have associated the allotment with British discrimination of foreigners. I really do not think someone can do anything good when they feel uncomfortable as unwelcome guests - which is what I feel increasingly in the UK, and the shady behaviour of the council about the allotment has increased that perception for me; I feel under scrutiny, almost threatened that any shortocomings of mine will look so much worse just because I am a foreigner, which puts me off;
• Second, the competing, incompatible demands of work (with increased travelling, and having to study to remain competitive) and gardening make me 1. very tired 2. feel as if I cannot do both together very well, and guess what: I do not like to do things half badly and I have a mortgage to pay... And anyway how many crops did I lose last year because I couldn't tend to the plants properly, despite the hard work I put into it?
• Running out of space and not being able to do a proper crop rotation again makes me feel I cannot do a proper job, and I said I am quite a perfectionist... that combines with the limited control on where stuff comes from (i.e. manure, compost etc) and I ask myself: is it worthwhile?
• Not quite sure how to work with the environment, I get frustrated when my gardening undermines my principles: i.e. I want to encourage insects in the garden, but to do gardening now and clear up to a decent state I have to displace the very hybernating insects that I am trying to encourage... I guess this feeling comes from my lack of knowledge, and I do not have time to find out more...

Well, it was good to talk them through, get them off my chest. As I re-read them, they might be that tinsely bit exaggeratedly pessimistic... better to be off and plant some garlic (even if not in a rotation) while the sun is out and to make most of the time, before the Uni essay is due for writing...